How motherhood changes you

Are you considering starting a family and wondering how becoming a mother will change you? Or are you already in the trenches of motherhood and just looking to relate?
I remember telling people before I became a mom that I could never have kids. My irrational fears of losing my dogs in a fire, or them going missing was so strong, can you imagine a child? We expect change when it comes to having children, but what exactly changes? and are those changes positive or negative? Is change and the unknown what holds some back?

Motherhood to me, is like a fingerprint. Each, a very personal experience. However I do believe there are some similarities we all experience. Which is why we are able to relate and have mom jokes and memes about motherhood. I can only speak from my personal experience.

So, here is how motherhood has changed me.

1. I no longer live for the weekend

Once you have a family, living for the weekend is for the birds. Your mindset shifts, your priorities change and you begin to think more long term. You being to focus on the future more. What do you want life to look like 2, 5 even 10 years down the road? I’m not sure if it is because you can picture the future more clearly, for instance I have no idea what it is like to be 50, but I know what it’s like to be 10 so it is a lot easier for me to picture what kind of lifestyle I want to be living when I have a 10 year old. What kind of opportunities do I want her to be able to have. How many kids do I want by then? Then it is easier to reverse engineer my life. How much money will we need to make? How big of a house will we need, for everyone to have their own bedroom? Where do we want to raise our family, what kind of environment, what kind of people, what kind of beliefs do we want instilled? Thinking about the future makes the present easy. It makes “what do I need to do today, to have that picture in x amount of years?” It makes goal setting more fun and more of a necessity. Living for the weekend, flying by the seam of your pants and doing what feels “good” in the moment is for single people, or even couples with no children in my opinion. I am in the legacy building chapter. The, what I want to leave behind and teach my own, chapter.

2. Motherhood shifts your priorities

Before children, my priorities were very selfish, very me focused. I’m not saying it was a bad thing, it just was. Once you become a parent your priorities change. The things that once mattered no longer do. For example, I always have worked since I can remember. The idea of not having a “purpose”, which I then felt I would get through generating an income, felt like a no brainer. I never saw myself as someone who wasn’t a ” boss babe” or “grinding and hustling”. However, what I didn’t know was once I had my daughter, none of that mattered. Did keeping a roof over her head and her belly full matter? Well yes of course, but the boss babe culture and the constant need to achieve completely changed. I no longer cared about what was not important. I cared about being there in person for my daughter. I cared about who was raising her, what they were teaching her. If they were going to be there for her the way I would, I cared about how leaving her with people who were not her parents would affect her attachment style, her ability to regulate her emotions (because we all know there is no way that’s a focus at a daycare) I cared about how much sleep she was getting, the types of meals that she was being fed. The list goes on and on. Things I never even thought of when I was pregnant, I cared about now. That ultimately lead me to changing my priorities and focusing on what mattered, which was her. A million people could do my job, but only I person could raise my daughter the way I wanted her raised. But, most importantly, I was not going to get these years back, she would grow up and my chance to raise her would be over. No longer did the long hours in the salon or how much money I made matter to me anymore. I wanted to be a stay at home mom, something I never would have ever fathomed.

3. Motherhood teaches you boundaries

Maybe it’s the protecting your cubs instinct, or maybe it is a part of growing up and learning your voice. For me, motherhood has shown me how important healthy boundaries are. It has given me a voice that I would have otherwise been scared to use. Probably because I didn’t think I was worth it, but now you better believe my daughter is. I have learned how to establish healthy boundaries with my family, as well as my husband. We together have come up with our boundaries for how people related and not related will treat our daughter and interact with her. We have learned to set our own traditions and be okay with saying No, or, we have to leave. It has put so much into perspective, now when my husband is unsure of how to set a boundary or if he even should. I always just ask him how he would feel if our daughter was in his shoes, and what advice he would give her. It changes the dynamic and takes you out of feeling guilty but really shines a magnifying glass on what action to take. It has also taught me how important it is to model healthy boundaries for our daughter.

4. Motherhood has taught me to love myself

Our children do not learn from what we tell them, they learn from what they see. I used to hate my natural curly hair. When I found out I was pregnant with a girl I knew I had to learn to love and embrace it. I knew my daughter wouldn’t believe me if I told her she was naturally beautiful but then she saw me always changing my natural beauty. I also knew I needed to watch the way I talked to myself. No more body shaming, thinking i’m “fat” and having negative connotations to certain food. I can teach her to choose healthy options without putting a “bad” label on others. I can also teach her to love herself for the way God made her because she is absolutely beautiful. But most importantly, I can show her that beauty is not society’s standards and it is what is on the inside that matters most.

Motherhood no doubt has changed me, for the better.

I have so much more to live for and plan for then ever before. I have grown and matured in ways I never thought I would. It has taught me selflessness, patience, a love that you can not put into words and most importantly given me a purpose well beyond a dollar. It’s not only shown me the type of mother I want to be but it has shown me the parts of my little me, who needed reparenting and love. It is a gift that could never be repaid. No matter where you are in your parenting journey. Whether you are just starting out, planning to have kids or just starting to think about it, know that it is a decision you will not regret. There is no greater life, then one that is etched in stone in another’s heart.
I would love to hear your experience with motherhood and how it has changed you, good or bad in the comments! ♡